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I Keep Having Sex Before Marriage, Is The Holy Spirit Still In Me?


I Keep Having Sex Before Marriage, Is The Holy Spirit Still In Me?

I Keep Having Sex Before Marriage, Is The Holy Spirit Still In Me?

Sex Before Marriage

It’s about to get real…

I think it’s only right to say that this article isn’t for the mistakers, it’s for the practicers…….. Something has been on my heart for quite sometime now, and the thought I’ve meditated on is can Christians practice a lifestyle of sexual promiscuity outside of marriage and still maintain a healthy relationship with God? Of course the obvious answer to this question is NO right?

We were taught to abstain from sex until marriage ever since we came out of the womb. Whether you went to church somewhere, in casual conversation, or just consciously, you’ve heard or felt at some point that sex is for married people. But more deeper than that, the Holy Spirit lead me on a journey and on this journey He posed a deeper question. Can He, The Holy Spirit, inhabit the Spirit of someone who has unmarrital sex on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis? I know right, wrecked my soul as well, so let’s go deeper, you ready?


I can’t start without expressing the dire need for EVERY Christian to have the Holy Spirit.It’s not only necessary but vital to growth on this spiritual journey. Why? well simply because the Holy Spirit is the only person who has the power to, and has defeated the sinful nature, death, Satan, hell, and flesh on the cross.

“but now has been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel,” 2 Timothy 1:10

Jesus was able to do such a feet because he possessed the secret to living a victorious life for every christian, Jesus had the Holy Spirit.

“After his baptism, as Jesus came up out of the water, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and settling on him.” Matthew 3:16

One error I think we make as young believers is that we think we could live a righteous life, a life that’s pleasing to God without the Holy Spirit. Jesus didn’t even do that. We don’t yearn for it. We think the “Holy Ghost” is for those charismatic people who run around the church “catching the Spirit”, or that it’s the thing that get’s thrown out of the hands of Benny Hinn like a energy blast from a scene off a Dragonball Z episode.


Don’t get me wrong the Holy Spirit can make you feel super human at times lol, but the gravity of why we need it is greater than we could ever fathom.

Someone came to me about a personally struggle he was having with sex before marriage and after sitting attentively listening to his bout I asked him, “Do you have the Holy Spirit?”. His response, “I don’t know”. So I bluntly stated, “well that’s the problem right there”. It’s a dangerous thing to not know if you have the Holy Spirit……

But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.) – Ephesians 4:30

The Spirit helps us to defeat our sinful nature like Jesus defeated sin on the cross. I understand why he couldn’t see why that was a problem because the church he attended rarely mentioned the Holy Spirit and how He desires to live in believers. So I asked him if Jesus needed the Spirit then don’t you? It’s really that simple. He responded, “I guess so”, and here’s why……

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.” John 14:26

Notice that the scripture referred to the Spirit as the Helper. I formed a habit of sin for 19 years until I gave my life to Christ at the age of 19. I NEED A HELPER, A CORRECTOR, A GUIDER. Do you think I had the will power to stop doing everything I formed a habit of doing for 19 years?! Of course not! I wish! It took someone greater than me setting up shop in my home and getting rid of things that pulled me away from Him, and once he remodeled my home it was conducive for HIM to live in. I got him there, now how do IKEEP him there!

Keeping Him (the Spirit) there is important and Paul knew why because he said……

“13 Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. 14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin.15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.” – Romans 7: 13-20

See sometimes even when you want to do what is right you still do what is wrong. Who else can attest to this, surely I can. You go to church and enjoy worship and the word.  You make the commitment and promise not to go back to old habits but as soon as you leave it’s back to the same ole stuff. The thing is you don’t even want to do it! So I told my friend getting the Holy Spirit is easy, keeping and not grieving the Holy Spirit is the hard part.

I wish I could tell you that the Holy Spirit enjoys a sinful, unclean, undisciplined lifestyle…

but unfortunately that’s not the case. He desires devotion, communion, and righteousness. Just like my wife and son desire my time so does the Spirit, and the more you ignore Him, the more you quench and grieve the Spirit.

“And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.” Ephesians 4:30

Have you ever grieved? We all have. It’s a painful process. One of the KJV definition of grieving is……”To afflict; to inflict pain on.” Did you ever stop to think that a life ofHABITUAL SEX was inflicting pain on the Spirit that lives inside of YOU? Now I know you wouldn’t willfully cause pain to your mom, dad, daughter or son, so how does it feel to know that when you engage in sex outside of covenant it’s like driving a knife into the heart of God?

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

I know you’re probably thinking that I want to stop but I can’t. That’s the truth. You’re right,you CAN’T, and the truth is that only HE can because HE already did. You cannot depend on YOU.

It’s a hard truth but a truth none the less that if you practice a lifestyle of fornication over and over and over again you have to question who your father really is, and if you say Jesus, then do you really love him. Jesus said that those who love Me will keep My commandments. Loving Him isn’t referring to these forced works of love you do out of fear of going to Hell to prove how much you love Him. Loving Him simply means that because I am in Love with this amazing God, I keep his commandments. It’s all done out ofLove.

I had to wrestle with this thought some time ago. I was there, I faced the same issue with sex my friend was facing. It’s a tough truth, but necessary for growth. Growing isn’t easy all the time. I know you’ve heard sermons and great sayings about how the Lord will never leave you nor forsake you and this is undoubtedly the truth, just not the whole truth. There are consequences that come with SEX and a sinful lifestyle. Sin separates you from God.

It’s like you digging a pit that gets deeper and deeper, the more you indulge there will come a time where you’re in so deep (no pun) that there’s no way you can get yourself out of it. That’s when God will never leave you nor forsake you comes into play because as soon as you cry out for help, here comes God to the rescue.


Some people are under deception thinking that they don’t need God’s help or that they have this all under control. It’s like an addict who says I can stop getting high whenever I want to only find out 3 years later like Maury says, “that was a lie.” You can’t do this by yourself you need God’s Spirit. If you are a true son or daughter of God you know that He corrects and chastises those whom he loves, sin comes with a price. You’ve heard the saying that if you play with fire you’re sure to get burned. I’m here to tell you that sometimes it’s God burning you to get you to repent.

The deception and lie that Satan will tell you is that God isn’t there anymore and that you’ve done too much or gone too far to come back now. God will never accept you after this. Satan wants to condemn you but Jesus wants to comfort you. It’s hard to believe I know. How crazy is it that the person we cheated on wants to comfort us? It sounds a little crazy when you think about it but that’s who the Holy Spirit is to us, the COMFORTER.

So YES the Holy Spirit is still there and He hasn’t left you. He’s just that friend that you haven’t called to vent to in a while so y’all relationship isn’t as strong as it use to be. You’ve been venting and talking to everyone else beside’s the person who can really drastically change your situation with a blink of an eye. He’s still there, and when you call out to Him with a truly repentant heart you’ll find out how close he really is…

Share this post if it has enlightened or helped you in anyway. You rock!

Leave a comment I would love to hear your thoughts….

Check out the 2nd part of this installment entitled………

“5 steps to make sure the Holy Spirit is thriving in your life”

Joshua is the founder of The Fly Society Podcast, author of The Power of Vision, Entrepreneur and Executive Pastor at his local church. Get more information at

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